My friends in Florida are getting married and they asked me to participate- as the officiant. Since I’m neither religious nor spiritually-minded they figured I’d be a safe choice for the job. I could be counted on to take it seriously, keep it short and not annoy everyone. Okay, except I need to be a Florida notary public, a minister or a Quaker friend. I took Option #2.

I joined the Universal Life Church. Maybe “joined” is a little much. It took me five minutes on-line to get myself ordained and another five minutes, and $15, to get my ordination certificate and some nicely printed marriage certificates. For another $10 I can take an additional title, I’m partial to “Spiritual Warrior” though “Free Thinker” and “Rabbi” are more appropriate. “Guru” and “Druid” sound pretty good, too. I find it a little ridiculous but the ordination is legal. I’m bound to promote freedom of religion and to do that which is right. Sounds easy enough.

I wrote a ceremony and vows. I tried to hit some high points with the subreferences: Donne, Burns, Auden, Poe… Barry White. My friends reviewed it and think it will be just the thing.

Sunday is the day. Coincidentally, Halloween. I’m not planning on dressing up but if anyone asks they can just call me The Reverend.